People and Countries for 2006

In order to maximise the fun that you're likely to get out of the night, everyone coming along must choose a country.

This choice can be based upon any criteria, possible suggestions include: ethnic extraction, sport allegiance, language familiarity and high opinion of performer/song (for this last: research will be involved. Check out the links section for resources).

Special note: only the semi-final countries are available for allocation. This is because the party is on a Friday night (Sunday would have been a bit hard). And yes, that means that the "winner" on Friday won't win the whole competition. But hopefully everyone will be motivated to vigorously support their adopted country in the final on Sunday (if it makes it through that is).

Quick links for this section:

Current Allocation

Each song has been rated according to merit (this year it's according to Kel, with comments by Shaun), with being the best and A the worst. The comments column sets out brief snapshot of each song. Feel free to take this into account when choosing.

Order Country Song Rating Allocated To Comment
1 Albania Luiz Ejili - Zjarr e ftohte A Jo Starts very badly but gets a bit more catchy in the middle. Not a contender though (unless there is some seriously regional voting).
2 Andorra Jenny - Sense tu ABB Zoe Very sultry, very faux French (but what else would you expect from Albania). Expect a scantily clad chanteuse.
3 Armenia Andre - Without Your Love AB Mel C First Eurovision for Armenia (wherever that is - somewhere near Turkey I think). Unfortunately they have made a common first-timer mistake - and tried to squeeze together their ethnic music and Western pop. Predictably, the result is not good.
4 Belarus Belarus - Polina Smolova ABB   Chunky guitar, anthemic chorus. Could do well - very much one for the teenage female Eurovision fans.
5 Belgium Kate Ryan - Je t'adore AB Simon Disco circa 1985. Or alternatively Ibiza circa 2006. Very pop, and very likely to be performed by a barely clad girl group - and sung in English (apart from the song title). Not a winner though.
6 Bosnia & Herzegovina Hari Mata Hari - Lejla A   Absolutely awful. No redeeming qualities.
7 Bulgaria Mariana Popova - Let Me Cry A Steve No - let ME cry. After hearing this song I wanted to... Believe it or not there is Bulgarian yodelling - I'll leave you with that mental picture.
8 Croatia Severina - Moja stikla ABB Jackie Not sure if I agree with the rating for this one - more suited to the football stadium than Eurovision. Far too many traditional instruments and chanting for my tastes.
9 Cyprus Annette Artani - Why Angels Cry A There is a lot of crying this year. Sounds like another diva - with an expensive frock - wailing her lungs out. That having been said, not a bad ballad, as such things go...
10 Estonia Sandra Oxenryd - Through My Window ABB Michael Young and hip, with an upbeat rhythm. Look for crowd participation in this one - as always Estonia have delivered a contender.
11 Finland Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah ABBA Matt G Awesome - hard rock with a voice that you can tell has been developed from bourbon, tobacco and biting off chicken heads. Lordi have apparently used chainsaws in their stage show - let's hope they bring the hardware to Eurovision.
12 Iceland Silvia Knight - Congratulations ABBA Shaun Think Britney (song that is - her appearance is yet to be seen). At last a bit of base - but as always the performance will be critical.
Order Country Language Rating Allocated To Comment
13 Ireland Brian Kennedy - Every Song is a Cry for Love AB   Not sure if this is another attempt by Ireland not to win, since it might pick up quite a few votes from the boring, but melodically inclined, parts of Europe.
14 Lithuania LT United - We Are the Winners ABB Lorraine The main line is "We are the winners of Eurovision" - gotta love that confidence! Not a good "song", but deserves to be ranked highly purely for entertainment value.
15 Macedonia (FYR) Elena Risteska - Ninanajna ABB Nell Starts like Madonna and has a good backbeat. Tails off a little, but still a pretty catchy song.
16 Monaco Severine Ferrer - La coco-dance A Ed Sounds like the South Pacific, and has a bongo drums solo. So how can it be bad? (I hear you ask) Well, the answer is that it sounds far too much like what UB40 did to reggae.
17 Netherlands Treble - Amambanda AB John The Dutch have copied Belgium's lead and used an imaginary language (at least Iassume that this isn't a Dutch word). Not a bad song - middle of the road.
18 Poland Ich Troje - Follow My Heart ABB The best Polish entry in years. But still, instead of sending a good-looking girl they have a posse of singers - one a guy that sounds like he has smoked more than Joe Cocker. This might scrape into the final.
19 Portugal Nonstop - Coisas de nada ABBA   Cross between Abba and Sgt Peppers. And not necessarily in a good way (I'll part company with Kel on this one). A very happy, happy song - it just makes you want to throw yourself off a bridge.
20 Russia Dima Bilan - Never Let You Go AB Kirsty Kel said "A bit better than crap". But not much. More angst from the Siberian steppes.
21 Slovenia Anzej Dezan - Mr Nobody A Mr Nobody is right. Or more accurately "Mr Should-Have-Stayed-at-Home-and-not-Afflicted-this-Atrocity-on-us".
22 Sweden Carola - Invincible AB Julianne Very Eurovision. But unfortunately for Sweden, who normally put in a good effort, not a good song. But Kel gave iit "AB" because the girls are bound to be good looking!
23 Turkey Sibel Tuzun - Superstar ABBA Nick G Very easy listening - the Turkish entry is very cool and very smooth - think cafe latte with a cigarette holder in a Turkish bazaar. Also a little Vogue bit - Strike a pose!
24 Ukraine Tina Karol - Show Me Your Love ABBA Kel Another solid entry from the Ukraine. Catchy, and well suited to an energetic performance. Definitely an Eastern flavour to this one.

Unallocated: Ben, Sarah

Apologies: Mandy, Rich, Sam, Kate, Stu, Anais, Lucy

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Countries that are only in the Final

Stictly for interest only, since the below countries won't be performing during the party. Still, good for reference if you intend to tune in on the Sunday night!

Order Country Song Rating Comment
1 Denmark Sidsel Ben Semmane - Twist of Love AB A bit twist and shout. Didn't we leave this behind in the 60's?
2 France Virginie Pouchain - Il etait temps ABB Not bad. But a bit boring. As usual for the French - interesting but not a winner.
3 Germany Texas Lightning - No, No, Never A It has a slide guitar! I have this vision: somewhere in Germany there is a Eurovision lab, and slowly but surely they're working their way through all musical genres, looking for the magical formula they're sure exists. Whatever that formula is, it's not this. Country and Western has no place in Eurovision.
4 Greece Anna Vissi - Everything A Obviously they don't want to win again. Sounds a lot like "I just can't stop loving you".
5 Israel Eddie Butler - Ze Hazman AB We've previously had an Irishman with an American accent. Now we have an Israeli with an American accent. There's no room for Gary Bolton in Eurovision (it even has the line "together we will be one").
6 Latvia Cosmos - I hear your heart Unrated My version cut out...
7 Malta Fabrizio Faniello - I do ABB Catchy but unfortunately for Malta (the perennial Eurovision bridesmaids) not catchy enough.
8 Moldova Arsenium f. Natalia Gordienko & Connect-R ABBA Finally - some R&B! Put your hands in the air, and wave 'em around like you just don't care! We like this one a lot.
9 Norway Christine Guldbrandsen A Very disappointing for a normally strong contender. Sounds like a dirge for a dead Viking - who died from listening to this song.
10 Romania Mihai Traistariu - Tornero A Very bad.
11 Spain Las Ketchup - Bloody Mary AB The girl bands never seem to work for Spain. Nice enough, and the flamenco guitar is a good touch, but not enough to rescue this from mediocrity.
12 Switzerland Six4One - If we all give a little AB My hopes are always so high. And I always seem to be disappointed. God only knows what they were thinking with this one (surely not winning - since that's out of the question unless some freak accident takes out the other competitors).
13 United Kingdom Daz Simpson - Teenage life ABB Why doesn't someone think about the children? Well, the UK has. And (and I've been wanting to use this for ages) this UK song it yUK! (get it?). It's a rap, but not a good one.

Regular entrants countries that are not in this year's Eurovision are: Austria, Serbia and Montenegro

European countries that never go in Eurovision are: Italy, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein, San Marino, Czech Republic, Slovak Republic.

Choosing Wisely

Probly the most helpful starting document is the Eurovision Web Site (www.eurovision.tv). There's a lot of interesting reading, including the names of the artists and the songs that they will be performing.

Next stop should probly be some thinking out the geography and language of the song. When it comes to picking a winner, things are much more complicated than they seem. My best guess is a formula that looks something like this:

Probility of winning = (A x Performance) + (B x Song Quality) + (C x Political Factors)

Where:

  • Performance is influenced by crowd reaction, attractiveness and attire of performers, and energy of performance;
  • Song Quality is influenced by language, mass-appeal and catchiness; and
  • Political Factors is influenced by historical friendships and emnities, presence of geographical neighbours in the contest, and language and cultural similarities.

My best guess is something like A = 0.5, B = 0.2 and C = 0.3 (but feel free to disagree).

All this having been said: the best thing to do is find a song or performer that (for whatever reason) you like. Or just take pot luck. There is definitely something to be said for finding out on the night that your country is the one with the transvestite wearing yellow leather.

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